In love vs. Physically used

"I turn away I see her straighten her blue skirt, clench her legs together; she continues lying on the bed, gazing up at the canopy above her, stiff and straight as an effigy... Which of us is it worse for, her or me?" -Handmaids tale by Margaret Attwood 

Is it worse being the woman the man is actually in love with, or the woman characterized as a container and used for only a job to reproduce? It's almost worse being the woman who's in love because before this change in society sex was a way to show love and a way to connect with that specific person. Even though the society is different that attraction and want is still there but having to watch her love, have sex with another woman, would be the most difficult thing to witness. 

Viewing it from the Handmaids perspective this dehumanization is already there. She doesn't have actual emotion towards the man, and will never have to deal with him again. With being a Handmaid even though its dehumanizing, in this society you at least still have a purpose. And there was a choice given, though it wasn't entirely obvious, there was one, they had a choice into this profession, because unfortunately it was the best one.

But his wife has to live with him everyday, watching him sleep with several Handmaids in order to keep society alive. What's her purpose then? Even though it's just the Handmaids job, as demonstrated in the quote, "clench her legs together...stiff and straight." She will still be angered, and protective over her husband, the one person that's only for you and not meant to be taken away is being shared, and not just being shared taking their time together, but being shared in the most connective way possible a human has with another; and she can't be that one. 

Is it better to be loved without the physical connection, or not to be loved at all and only used for the physical connection? With having to witness the physical connection of the one you love with someone else changes this question since both aspects are put together in the situation. Affection is a critical factor in the psychological aspect of human development, it is needed for creating relationships, social reasons, mental and emotional, but also in our body development. Is either woman receiving affection in the right way?